Remember this holiday season, that without treating ourselves with respect, we cannot expect others to do so. The boundaries get fuzzy in our familial relationships, whether with our children, our siblings or our partnerships, right? We were taught by culture and tradition that family is everything, we must stay loyal no matter what, to our family. What if a continuation of allowing toxicity within our familial relationships is detrimental to our health, then what? Do we allow ourselves to suffer for the sake of the family? The lack of boundaries in our family relationships leads to illness its been studied and proven. Put yourself first, see how much better you feel.
Here are a few tips to create boundaries for yourself, in order to main self- respect but also to receive respect from others, especially our family.
- Boundaries without vulnerability are not boundaries. When you create boundaries and communicate them to your family, stick to your guns! If they don’t adhere to your boundaries, that shows a lack of respect. Having boundaries allows us to be vulnerable. Because you are allowed to be who you are and you are allowed to feel what you feel, without judgement. But don’t back down.
- Emotions are not bad. We are taught to stuff our emotions and only lead with our ego mind. Emotions allows us to expand our compassion which creates openness. Yes, feel and express emotions, but use your boundaries to create the respect necessary, so non judgement is the norm. When we can be open enough to respect where the other person comes from, we grow as humans and vice versa.
- Recognize when people make up stories to assuage their own feelings of guilt, shame or fear. Many times, our family will make another family member a target, acting out of judgement, that if the person is not adhering to a certain belief system or opinion, they are the enemy. So they create a story to make themselves feel better, for acting uncharitably to the other family member.But also because they are afraid of what is occurring. It can even be from a sense of envy or jealousy. We also see this now in society all the time. But its not ok! How long do we have to put up with this type of behavior?
The takeaway is to remember we are all human, but we don’t have to take the abuse, and the fear based behavior that people without boundaries exhibit. Merely not speaking to them or not reacting does work. But at some point you must tell people or your family to stop and why they must. Then knowing you made a choice to put yourself first, feel confident in your choice. Even it means the end of the familial relationship, which can be a result of setting boundaries. There are always others, whether friends, distant relatives, and colleagues who will respect your boundaries, and that can be as emotionally satisfying. Put yourself first, set your boundaries and communicate them with grace. Expect the best and you will receive it from the right people!
Grief and Self Care; managing and surviving intact. | VibrantNu
— Read on www.vibrantnu.com/grief-and-self-care-managing-and-surviving-intact/
After the events of the year 2020, with sweeping changes taking place in every way, I mused for a couple of weeks about how to capture the essence of it all. Then yesterday, on January 6, 2021, mob violence attempted an insurrection of power at our nation’s capitol. Listening on the radio, while driving, then watching it on the television most of the evening, I was repeatedly struck with the imagery of people on the verge of change—- who were resisting change, because they were afraid.
Fear begets fear. Only love or fear are the two motivators for us as humans. Violence is never a solution. Love and respect for each other helps us find grace.
This morning I woke with the words, finding grace– in my subconscious. So how do we….. find grace in this moment, in this time of history? AND what does it mean to find grace?
Finding grace can mean something different to everyone, but as I feel it and sense it, the significance points to the need for us to try to remain neutral and observe history in the making. Go within yourself, in prayer, in meditation, in silence, to connect to your soul for inspiration. Finding grace means finding the meaning in our lives that we must hold tight to, with a fierce spiritual nature as the saints of old have done. Knowing, with grace we can meet this moment. We cannot crumble in the face of chaos for chaos’ sake. We know we are strong and with the strength of our faith we can endure and we will endure.
Faith is our resilience, it is our knowledge that we can depend on our selves in any crisis, it is finding our grace. It is knowing we can keep the flame in our soul alive, despite what happens in the world, on the street, at work or at home.
Grace signifies divine grace as a theological term present in many religions. Its definition in the Merriam- Webster dictionary is “unmerited divine assistance given to humans for their regeneration or sanctification.”
Most humans do not feel they are divine or know they are a unit of God or the Creator or the Collective Conscious. BUT, we are essentially divine. We do have the grace inside us to weather any storm, we just have to access it.
How do we recognize grace? Grace is appreciating beauty, such as seeing and feeling the pure love of a child’s smile or a pet’s adoration. Look at nature’s beauty, it is around us at all times and we only need to look up at the blue sky to see, white clouds in formation, or in a sunset or sunrise, even a petite flower or a mighty waterfall. Grace is understanding that we may not always know the reason for events or actions but we do know ourselves, right? We know we remain unchanged in the face of anything, we can stand strong from a point of grace, seeing beauty in all things. Some events like yesterday’s, are an a front to our democracy, and a grim reminder that we must remain vigilant to protect and preserve that which makes our great nation unique. But as we all were starkly reminded, and we move forward with renewed faith, finding grace to weather the storm. Now we are moving forward into the light, out of the darkness of fear, toward a higher vibrational life.
Coming soon: “A Practical Guide to Living Fearlessly.”
Excerpt: How do we live in love not fear?
“When you catch yourself having to be right, in any situation… that is the fear reaction resulting from feeling a lack of control or needing to control outcomes. This position leaves one with no room for love, openness or listening. Any one person is responsible only for their own life. Most often we can’t change people. Love is being neutral yet supportive. Detach from other’s stories. Observe in order to be open to the flow of interaction, instead of trying to edit it by assuming you already know the outcome.”
Again I rise
to see the light,
Again I rise,
as if in flight,
And as I rise
I see the plight,
of men and women,
to grasp the hope,
to feel it blossom,
heeding the call.
we are the same,
units of God
no one to blame.
seek a way….
to love your neighbor,
to share the love,
and not to spite.
Seek the high road
stop and feel,
choose love not hate,
as light prevails.